Posts Tagged ‘divorce mediation’


Pursuing Assisted Reproduction? Good Agreements Are Essential

November 2, 2016

This is part 3 of a 3 part series on assisted reproductive technology and divorce in California. Disclaimer: This article does not constitute legal advice. If you have any questions about your individual situation it is best to seek the advice of an experienced family law professional. Please click here to set up a consultation with experienced family law mediators Boileau Conflict Solutions.

We’ve seen how disputes about frozen embryos can easily get complex and emotionally delicate (See Part 1 and Part 2 in this series). No one wants to imagine they will divorce but when there are high emotional or financial stakes, any unresolved issues can cause conflict later. Assisted reproduction can even involve more than just the divorcing couple. Especially if a surrogate is someone known to the couple, having a child can involve several parties interested in the birth or upbringing of a child. At Boileau Conflict Solutions we have experience working with families and couples dealing with unique issues related to assisted reproduction.

Signing on the Dotted Line

When you sign a consent form with an assissted reproduction facility, are you signing an agreement with the facility or with your partner? This is a subtle, but important distinction. In the case of Dr. Mimi Lee and Stephen Findley, Lee argued that she hadn’t signed an agreement with Findley, but that the couple had signed an agreement with the facility.

You may imagine that your main obstacle would be your former partner’s wishes, but California law also outlaws the use of ‘”sperm, ova, or embryos in assisted reproduction technology” without the written consent of their providers.’ (Source: FindLaw) The second hurdle Dr. Lee could have faced was the facility refusing to release the frozen embryos.

A divorce dispute about frozen embryos has to cover so much more than the disputes over property you would expect from divorce. In the beginning, there was a contract made and that contract is protected. It’s important to have an attorney review your contract with your fertility clinic and to enter into any agreement with your spouse with the consciousness of what your choices mean in the future legally.

Leftover Embryos and Ambiguity

The San Francisco Chronicle reports that there are more than 600,000 frozen embryos in the US, and many of these are embryos left over from successful treatment. (Source: Findlaw) There has been an explosion in the use of this technology in California in particular.

Sometimes, even after a couple has children, disputes revolve around what happens to leftover embryos, as in the case of a Tacoma, Washington couple who were in conflict over whether the children should later be adopted or whether the wife would get to raise them (in this case the egg donor was also involved). Just because reproduction has been successful, it doesn’t rule out the possibility for future disputes.

What Should Be Discussed

Amongst many potential issues, here are some key points that should be on the table when working out a PreNuptial or Post-Nuptial agreement, or when carefully reviewing and understanding the terms of an agreement with an assisted reproductive technology facility:

  • What will happen to the embryos on the death of one party?
  • What will happen to the embryos upon divorce?
  • Should the embryos be destroyed or donated under certain circumstances?
  • If the embryos are donated, who or what will they be donated to?
  • If one party can no longer conceive at divorce, who gets the embryos?
  • If there are any questions that are unique to the couple that may cause problems in the future, they should be broached as early as possible.

Experts in Conflict Resolution

At Boileau Conflict Solutions, we are experts in resolving complex and delicate financial and emotional situations between couple. We believe in making good agreements, and making them as early as possible. We can help you craft your prenup or postnup. Alternatively, we can use our expertise in working in complex areas of family law to help resolve disputes that have already arisen. Please contact us today to see how we can help.

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California Community Property and Frozen Embryos – What Exactly Are Future Children?

October 5, 2016

This is part 1 of a 3 part series on assisted reproductive technology and divorce in California. Disclaimer: This article does not constitute legal advice. If you have any questions about your individual situation it is best to seek the advice of an experienced family law professional. Please click here to set up a consultation with experienced family law mediators Boileau Conflict Solutions

During a divorce couples have to come to terms with the task of dividing lives that were once entangled and property that was once shared. At the beginning of this process, nobody knows what kinds of emotional and practical obstacles will arise. But one overlooked issue that can have serious consequences is assisted reproduction

Even with a growing trend of couples making use of these evolving technologies, an interesting and somewhat startling fact is that “there are no federal regulations governing the disposition of frozen embryos created through assistive technology.” (Source: NYT) California is one of the states that makes a large contribution to the US’s supply of stored embryos, with an abundance of fertility clinics, so this ambiguity may hit couples who haven’t planned what to do with frozen embryos when they come to a decision about separating. At Boileau Conflict Situations we have experience mediating issues involving reproductive technology. We can intervene at an early stage to work out agreements that lessen ambiguity, or ease disputes that can arise later.

With Roe v Wade establishing that unborn fetuses are not persons under the US Constitution, a divorcing couple might be under the impression that they are somehow property instead, and that California community property law will find a way of fairly disposing of them so that both parties are accommodated. For a divorcing couple to have to consider whether their frozen embryos are property or children is an incredibly painful assessment to have to make, but unfortunately, it is an issue that needs to be confronted. With the current ambiguity, the outcomes of any future disputes over frozen embryos are far from clear.

A recent case that brought these issues to light was the case of Dr. Mimi Lee and Stephen Findley, a couple from the San Francisco Bay Area. Dr. Lee fought for the right to use the couples’ embryos to have children with a surrogate (in her mid-forties, it was her last chance to have biological children). This high profile case was widely anticipated to be a benchmark for how future cases are treated in California. Although the ruling wasn’t strictly precedential (the lower courts ruled), the courts ruled against Dr. Lee.

Despite Roe v.Wade’s dictates, in practice the court felt compelled to treat the frozen embryos as much more than a couple’s shared property. Its decision anticipated future issues such as child support that could have forced Stephen Findley to participate in parenting. This is an important case for couples using reproductive technologies, because the court’s decision opens up a whole range of considerations that need to be openly discussed by couples opting to freeze their embryos. To be continued…

Mediate First

At Boileau Conflict Solutions we use sophisticated techniques to help you mediate your dispute. We can help to craft agreements such as Prenuptial or Post-Nuptial agreements before conflict arises, or we can apply psychological and financial know-how to work through complex disputes about reproductive technology that may be emotionally charged. Please call us today to see how we can help.


A Short Marriage, a Long Partnership: Why Brad and Angelina Need to Divide Their Assets Carefully

September 23, 2016

The Jolie-Pitt divorce announcement has been greeted with intense speculation about what will happen to the family now that Angelina has filed for divorce requesting sole physical custody.

For once, the media has avoided too much speculation about spats over money, given that both partners are independently wealthy. Brad’s net-worth is estimated at $240M, while Angelina is worth slightly less at $160M. In addition, the couple has been married for just 2 years, and California law doesn’t mandate spousal support unless the marriage is of long duration, over ten years. Before this, support will usually last for half the duration of the marriage. Spousal support is intended to compensate for a drop in standard of living for the lower earning spouse. For Brad and Angelina, this won’t be much of an issue. In fact with spousal support taxable for the recipient, it may not even be worth it for the couple to arrange taxed support that would last just one year (half of their 2 year marriage).

This doesn’t mean their divorce won’t be financially complex, however. The picture becomes more complicated when you take into account the need to protect the financial security of a sizeable family of 6. The children will need to be protected against potential future spouses and future children’s claims. We don’t know whether Brad and Angelina signed a prenup when they married in 2014, though rumors cite a cheating clause and a trust funneled towards the kids.

Disclaimer: This article does not constitute legal advice. If you have any questions about your individual situation it is best to seek the advice of an experienced family law professional.

A prenup would be an ideal way of framing a long, shared parenting partnership like Brad and Angelina’s. The couple may be independently wealthy in dollars, but their wealth in real estate is where things might get complicated, especially because some of the homes where they have raised their family may be hard to part with. As Forbes reports, their beautiful French home Chateau Miravale, which the couple purchased for 60M in 2012, was the setting for the couples’ marriage in 2014.

Dividing up money is one thing, but tangible assets like homes have more emotion attached to them. Careful agreements that honor both partners’ feelings but make prudent decisions for the family’s future will be the best way forward.

Intelligent Solutions for Complex Divorce

Mediation is a confidential, non-adversarial process that brings complex negotiations about finances into a private space where respectful and useful agreements can be made. At Boileau Conflict solutions we have a reputation as experts in financially complex divorce.

Detailed Financial Analysis: We perform extensive analysis of assets, liquidity, cash flow, and equalization options, which includes child support and spousal support. We also offer the only mediated business valuation of any mediation firm in California.

Unique Approach Combines Mathematics and Psychology: We are developing a mathematical algorithm that uses fair division, game theory, and psychoanalysis, drilling down into both conscious and unconscious preferences and needs.

We provide several minor and major solution sets for each component and the deal as a whole. This gives the parties a great deal of flexibility.

If you find yourself facing a financially complex divorce that requires an intelligent strategy and thoughtful negotiation of both parties’ needs, please contact us today to see how we can help.



Rethinking Divorce as a Team Effort

September 19, 2016

There are so many aspects to divorce that it’s difficult to know where to start. Hiring a mediator or attorney is difficult enough without making the more mundane decisions about the car, the furniture, and living arrangements.

Often a divorce involves a person splitting off from a bigger family unit, with sudden responsibility for property, finances or kids. When we think of divorce services, we think of agreements or court decisions, but we don’t often consider the practical and emotional legwork involved in sticking to those agreements or making changes happen. Another thing to consider is the timing and coordination of these efforts, and how much this matters when considering tax implications, school schedules, college applications, emotional and physical health, not to mention routine DIY. That’s why it may be better to think of the divorce process as a team effort involving attorneys and/or mediators, therapists, and people to help with practical maintenance, from DIY to shopping. Beyond your attorney or mediator, the following are some players you might consider on your divorce team:

• Therapist – It’s important to make sure you have an outlet for your feelings besides your friends, relatives, or people who may be too close to the divorce.

• Tax Advisor/Financial Advisor – A tax or financial advisor will look out for your interests and also help to educate you if you haven’t been responsible for your finances previously.

• Design Consultant – A design consultant, architect or builder may be your friend when you’re considering how to make the best start in a new space, or how to alter an existing space.

• Handyman/Mechanic, Mr/MS Fixit – Someone to advise on the house, car and garden, and to take care of small jobs may be ideal when your mind is occupied with your divorce, or when your spouse was the one responsible for these tasks.

At Boileau Conflict Solutions, we start with a team approach. A lead mediator, an assisting mediator, sometimes a consulting mediator, often a psychologist and in some cases an outside attorney are the building blocks of our team. We can also connect you with outside services to help you build your new life after divorce. We work with design partners 3 Riverz Creative, to help you with decisions in moving into and designing a new space. If your marriage is in trouble and you don’t want to face into the heartache of divorce, we can also provide marital mediation sessions. Please contact us today to see how we can help.


A Tale of Two Lives: Divorced and Living Together in the Bay Area

September 8, 2016

Most of us are familiar with the classic closing scenes from a divorce: boxes packed, car backing slowly out of the driveway, children sad but learning to adjust to two homes and a new life.

If you’re living and renting in the Bay Area you may never even get to experience these divorce scenes. High rents in places like San Jose mean that couples who would rather live apart are compelled to share the same space, at least until a satisfactory arrangement has been found. If there’s some good news, it’s that while living together you can now work out all other aspects of your separation. In a significant move for couples renting in the Bay area, California law now allows you to officially separate while living under the same roof.

Disclaimer: This article does not constitute legal advice. If you have any questions about your individual situation it is best to seek the advice of an experienced family law professional.

A previous decision had established a one size fits all rule that meant the date of separation had to be correlated with the date of moving out. This was a rule that had serious consequences when it came to issues such as determining spousal support (marriage over ten years is considered longterm marriage). Thankfully “Davis” has been overturned and the changes will take effect from January 2017. Instead of just living arrangements, judges will be able to consider other factors in a separation, like establishing separate bank accounts and taking separate vacations.

With high rents and cost of living, it’s common in the Bay Area for divorced couples to stay living together, “nesting” with their kids, or in the same apartment as roommates. This may be the most practical arrangement financially, but it’s not easy. Establishing boundaries is a necessity, both for emotional well-being, and to establish the grounds for separation. Working with a mediator to set up practical and emotional boundaries may be crucial for couples considering this arrangement. Everything from doing separate laundry to learning to treat your spouse as a roommate or business partner may have to be finely tuned. If these arrangements aren’t agreed on by both parties, misunderstandings and resentments can add tension to the situation.

At Boileau Conflict Solutions we understand the unique concerns of divorcing couples living in the Bay Area. Our mediation solutions specifically focus on how the phenomenology of the living environment affects our everyday interactions. We work with a design firm, 3 Riverz Creative, that supports divorcing couples in redesigning their living spaces after divorce. Please contact us today to see how we can help.

Disclaimer: This article does not constitute legal advice. If you have any questions about your individual situation it is best to seek the advice of an experienced family law professional.


Why Gray Divorce Is Different

August 29, 2016

Overall, the divorce rate in the US might be lowering slightly, but there is one big exception – people over fifty. What’s known as “gray divorce” has doubled since 1990.

Gray divorce is something that perhaps inevitably occurs as longevity increases and the prospect of spending the rest of your life in an unhappy marriage becomes less appealing. Another factor in grey divorces is that a significant portion of them involve first marriages. When baby boomers were young adults, the trend was to marry earlier, so many of these divorces involve splitting lives that have been entwined for 20, 30 and even 40 years.

Disclaimer: This article does not constitute legal advice. If you have any questions about your individual situation it is best to seek the advice of an experienced family law professional.

Because gray divorces often happen in the run up to retirement or shortly after, a big concern is how to split finances equitably, but also responsibly, in a way that provides for the welfare of the divorcing parties in the future. The cost of divorce alone can make a significant dent in the finances of couples who have been saving for old age. The complexity of gray divorce, sensitive issues involved, the need to opt for a less costly option, and the need to make responsible agreements providing for both parties may make mediation a much more sensible option than depleting shared assets through costly litigation.

Those who are considering gray divorce should be aware that in many ways gray divorce is a different process. For example, the longer a marriage goes on, the more spousal support becomes a factor. Another branch of complexity is financial commitments from a previous marriage. Long term funds for security like pensions, annuities and social security will need to be considered in the reckoning of how to divide assets. Other issues may include second and third homes. Especially in gray divorce these family homes or holiday homes beloved by children and grandchildren for years may hold far more than financial value.

Timing and good planning is important in gray divorce when there are penalties for withdrawing early in the case of pensions, and when divorce may have tax implications. The good news is that AARP research has shown that after gray divorce, most people develop a positive outlook to life and move on in healthy ways.

We Can Help

If you’re considering divorce later in life, Boileau Conflict Solutions can help you work together to come to an optimum arrangement that suits your financial and personal needs. We specialize in helping people in financially and emotionally complex situations find a way through. We understand the practical implications of divorce and the difficulty of starting a new life. We aim to provide tailored solutions, and can even work with our design partners 3 Riverz Creative to manage the process of moving into and decorating an apartment. Please contact us today to discuss how we can help.

Disclaimer: This article does not constitute legal advice. If you have any questions about your individual situation it is best to seek the advice of an experienced family law professional.


Radio Conversations Now Available as Mediation and Psychoanalysis Book

August 5, 2016

Dr. Kevin Boileau follows up his previous two books on mediation, The Myth of Mediation Neutrality: The Psychoanalytic, Phenomenological, and Linguistic-Structural Approach to Mediation and A Game Theory Approach to Mediation: Overcoming the Prisoner’s Dilemma with a new compilation of weekly radio shows, Radio Conversations Concerning Mediation and Psychoanalysis, co-edited and co-authored by radio co-participant Nazarita Goldhammer. This is an accessible introduction to an ontological alternative to the humanist self of the Western Enlightenment. For psychologists, philosophers, writers and thinkers of all stripes who are interested in the historical and theoretical understanding of the self, Volume 3 in the mediation series consists of conversations on mediation and psychoanalysis. The weekly radio show covers these topics in a casual straightforward style. Episodes are available to listen to at Please visit to read more about the mediation series and other books by Dr. Kevin Boileau.