Business Partners After Divorce: It is Possible with Divorce Mediation

Can a couple get divorced and remain business partners?

A recent article in Fast Company, using a case study of a couple who got divorced and remained in business together shows how unique talents in business can be valuable assets that keep a couple in business, even after their marriage has ended.

Perhaps there is no one suitable to fill one partner’s shoes in the company. Perhaps the arrangement isn’t intended to continue into the long distant future, but for now “the show must go on.” Utilizing Divorce Mediation and a new written agreement along with a clarification of roles, it can be successful.

Here are some ways to smooth the transition and ensure a successful future partnership:

Accommodate Emotions

Divorce is almost always an emotional process, and no matter what pragmatic concerns a divorcing couple has, emotions will need to be dealt with. A professional mediator can help to ease the transition.

Make Roles Clear

Focus on your strengths. In the case study cited, the husband was analytical, a ‘numbers’ guy, while the wife was a people person, and the company’s top sales talent. Even if talents aren’t so clearly defined, it will help to clearly outline roles in the company, to avoid confrontation and overstepping boundaries.

Set the Rules

It can help to set rules about how the dissolution of the marriage will be handled and how this may affect the business. Agree not to bring personal matters into workplace for example. Non-binding agreements can be made with a mediator, and a system in place for working out problems that need to be kept out of the office.

Make a Formal Agreement in Advance

Some couples may already have formalized an agreement about what to do about the business if the marriage dissolves.

Make Time for Family and Friends

Any agreements made, may affect time spent with children, elderly parents or friends.  Adjustments should not put an extra burden on one co-parent, if so it should be taken into consideration.

If you are business partners with your spouse, and you are considering a divorce, then please contact us today to discuss your options and how divorce mediation might be an option for you and your spouse. We specialize in complex divorce mediation for high-net worth individuals and technology executives in the Santa Clara area. For more information Contact us 415.830.0065 or read the article in Fast Company.

International Family Mediation

Boileau Conflict Solutions Mediation & Negotiation

San Francisco, Missoula, Denver, Minneapolis, New York

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Addressing Impasse in Conflict

In his excellent text, The Dynamics of Conflict Resolution, Bernard Mayer proposes that conflict partners (“resolvers” in his parlance) ask 5 questions. I’d like to mention these, along with a few comments of my own.

First, I must ask myself if I am centered and focused, adequately dealing with my own breathing and anxiety. This will allow me the greatest depth of thinking and range of options.

Second, I must ask myself about the nature of the impasse, which is rarely simple and often full of complexity. On this note, it is valuable to ask how the impasse is manifesting. This can allow for a place to start more effective resolution.

Third, I must identify what individuals are risking and what they are accomplishing by remaining in the conflict. This can shed light on any areas of cognitive distortion and false belief which, in turn, can open an avenue for resolution.

Fourth, I must determine whether the parties can meet their needs in other ways. Identifying these possibilities can dislodge intractability by moving negotiation in accordance with other alternatives.

Fifth, I must discern whether it is better to stay in the impasse or not, for either party.

Once it has been identified that it is best to move through an impasse, we must ask several questions in order to get to the next step. These questions involve mutual resources, timing issues, participants, individual and joint needs, determining the real options, and others. In short, however, the crux always seems to be in the assessment of the purpose and value of the impasse itself, which requires painstaking dialogue and the identification of interests and motivations.

KCB
Writing in Seattle
Nov. 14, 2011

Benefits to Constructive Controversy

In contrast to debate, which is a competitive process that requires the rejection of different views, constructive controversy is a cooperative process that elevates cognitive skills, leads to greater group cohesion, and improves outcomes.

Most people have great anxiety about conflict, and this is true in the workplace. Nevertheless, if an organization successfully utilizes the method of constructive controversy, it can come to more productive results in the face of disagreement.  With this method, individuals approach each other in some very identifiable ways in order for outcomes to be positive and productive.  For example, when individuals are presented with a problem, they often come to an initial conclusion based on their specific perspective, in conditions of uncertainty, and have a high degree of confidence in their solution. As these individuals present their reasoning and conclusions to others, they deepen their understanding of their position and utilize higher level reasoning strategies to strengthen it. However, when these same individuals are challenged with different conclusions and reasoning by others with different points of view, they become uncertain about their conclusions; epistemic disequilibrium is created in them. It is this uncertainty that motivates intellectual curiosity, which drives them toward new information and perspectives as a strategy to resolve the uncertainty. By transformation their understanding in the light of the different perspectives of others, they reach a new, re-conceptualized conclusion.

For controversy to actually be constructive, the individuals involved in the disagreement must have a skill set that allows them to be flexible in their conclusions and receptive to new ideas. They are critical of ideas and not other people, careful not to offend. In like fashion, they separate their personal worth from the criticism of their ideas. They strive toward clarity and ask as many questions as they need to in order to overcome any vagueness or ambiguity in the communications. They prioritize the group, listen to ideas they don’t like, and encourage everyone to participate. They actively bring out all ideas and facts, try to understand both sides of an issue, and change their mind when the evidence warrants it. This attitude avoids egocentrism and promotes the value of the group.

This method obviously leads to intra-group trust, positive regard for others in the group, and a strengthening of the group itself.  For an organization that is receptive to this sort of process, I recommend drafting of a set of processes and expectations that can be easily learned, agreed to, and implemented.  Small group trainings and personalized coaching can go a long way toward developing this constructive and positive process and its favorable outcomes.

Dr. Kevin Boileau, Ph.D., J.D.

Seattle Offices

April 24, 2011

Boileau Conflict Solutions

Boileau Conflict Solutions combines the practical and theoretical tools of both law & psychology to provide its clients cost-effective, results-oriented, cooperative solutions to interpersonal and professional conflicts.

We utilize the most current research on effective negotiation, mediation, collaboration & cooperation in non-adversarial forms of conflict resolution and management.

We can quickly assess the underlying social and psychological dynamics of your conflict and provide you with a range of effective responses and action steps that meet with your budget.

Here are a few ideas to keep in mind:
a) Non-verbal messages can us interpret words but they can also distort the message if we misinterpret it.
b) Different cultures may use nonverbal communication differently.
c) The same behavior can lead to different interpretations.
d) You can test the meaning of a nonverbal gesture by asking a question. For example, asking whether a room is cold or not can help you determine the meaning of folded arms across the chest.
e) You ignore nonverbal aspects at your own risk, including the ones that you might be sending inadvertently.

Negotiation is a process of bargaining with others in order to arrive at agreement. Developing these skills can help one facilitate cooperative resolution.

Here are some general points:
a) Distinguishing between positions and interests can help unlock potential resolutions.
b) There are 4 general stages in the negotiation process, including planning, introductions, claim interchange, exploration of options, and summary.
c) Finding commonalities can lead the discussion in a productive direction.
d) You can turn your adversary into your cooperative partner by refraining from being reactive, by carefully sorting out underlying needs and interests, and by inventing options for mutual gain.